There’s no Friend Friday this week because of the Thanksgiving break, and I’m up to my neck in advance blog posts for my holiday, so here’s a quick photo from Shoe Challenge # 60, in which I wore bright pink shoes and matching tights:
(Like my crazy pointed wall? Every room should have one, I tells ya.)
Brightly coloured tights aren’t exactly the “done thing” around these here parts. In fact, they’re the kind of thing that make people stop in their tracks and wonder what to jeer at first: red hair or pink tights? (Ah, the eternal question!)
Speaking of things that make people stop and stare in disbelief, the hotel Terry and I are going to be staying in next month has a dress code for its restaurant. It’s not a particularly “dressy” dress code, but even so, I can’t tell you how happy this makes me: I mean, any excuse to dress up, right? It’s interesting, though: Terry did a bit of Googling to try to establish just how smart or causal it’s going to be, and a lot of the reviews of the hotel from other guests mentioned that while the male guests seem to interpret the dress code pretty easily, the women just don’t, so you basically get a lot of smartly dressed men wandering around accompanied by women in jeans and swimwear. (I know! Swimsuits to dinner! Can you even?)
In fairness, I’m guessing this is partly because dress codes always seem to be directed purely at MEN. You’re told it’s either “black tie” or “white tie” or that ”men must wear long trousers”, but there’s no reference to what the women are supposed to wear. As I said to Terry, who found this really odd, the reason for this is simple: it’s assumed that women will take their cue from the “black tie” or “long trousers” bit, and modify their dress accordingly, so, if you know men are going to be in black tie, you wouldn’t turn up in jeans, for instance.
That might have worked fifty or so years ago, however (or maybe a little later than that), but the problem is that these days people just don’t know how to interpret these codes. They’ve almost ceased to have any relevance to our modern society, and, as a result, dressing is becoming a bit of a lost art. So many people seem to struggle to know what’s appropriate, and if I need any more evidence of that, it’s in all the Google searches this site gets for the phrase “Can I wear jeans to a christening?” (NO! Just back away from the jeans, sister, and no one will get hurt…)
Anyway, be all of that as it may, I’m planning to interpret our hotel dress code next month as “YAY! Bring your dresses! You will finally have an excuse to wear them!” I’ve also been persuaded to join Tat’s ‘Dressember’ challenge (it would actually have been more of a challenge to say “no” to Tat on this, trust me!), in which participants are challenged to wear a dress every day for the duration of December. Here’s how it works:
“December 1st marks the beginning of ‘Dressember’ – the challenge for women (or the adventurous male) everywhere to shake up their wardrobe and try ditching the jeans and t-shirts.
We’re aiming to wear dresses as often as possible – don’t worry if it’s not practical in the day, you can go for a skirt/top combo if needed, or have fun and dress up in the evening in that cocktail dress you never get to wear!
Feel free to share your photos in the group or on your own wall if you’re shy, just have fun with it, and try something different for the month – plus it’s party season, so use the wall to ask if you need help deciding! 
There are no rules, it’s all about stretching your wardrobe boundaries, trying something different, and having fun, so just jump on in  ”
Now, this really appealed to me because I have a LOT of dresses. A LOT of dresses. And as much as I love them, and try to get as much use out of them as I can, it’s all too easy to get sucked into the Cult of Casual and end up wearing jeans every day for a week. Or it is for me, anyway. At the same time, though, the thought of owning things I don’t actually use makes me itchy. It’s one thing to be a shopaholic and actually use the things you buy, but it’s another thing altogether to be a shopaholic who just stuffs them in a closet and forgets about them, so this shopaholic will be using the Dressember challenge, like the Shoe Challenge I’ve been working my way through all year, to stretch my style boundaries a little bit, and to make sure I’m getting my money’s worth out of my, um, expansive dress collection.
Anyone want to join me? There’s a Facebook group here if you do!
Edited to add: It’s now been suggested that Dressember be in aid of charity, so participants will be helping raise money for the women and children’s charity Refuge: details to come soon!
Tagged dressember, dresses, Outfits, outfits, shoe challenge
Because I am a selfish childfree person, I spent all my money* on a new dress and shoes. Yay! I also decided to give myself the day off on Monday, so everyone have a great holiday weekend (assuming you’re on holiday, that is. If you’re not, sorry for rubbing your nose in it.)!
(* Not really, though. That was a joke. These both be bargains. Arrr! Oh no, wait: that’s pirate speak, isn’t it?)
Tagged dress, Outfits, shoes
Sometime last year, I was obsessively perusing the Topshop website when I stumbled upon a pair of shoes known as ‘Sereno’. I loved them, but I knew they would never be mine because, meh, money.
“Resist them, I will!” I cackled. “Buy them I shall not!” Because, yes, when I talk to myself out loud, I totally do it in the style of Yoda. Doesn’t everyone?
So I didn’t buy the shoes, and almost instantly they sold out, thus confirming that I had been right to conjecture that they would never be mine.
Then we went to Loch Lomond. And as Terry and I rounded the corner of the visitor centre there, we saw a girl sitting outside wearing what I instantly recognised as THE SHOES. So ridiculously high of heel and huge of platform were these shoes that even Terry commented on them. It was then I knew I’d made a mistake with the whole “not buying” thing. Until then, you see, I hadn’t actually seen the shoes in the flesh, so to speak. They were but images on my computer screen, and those images did not do them justice. In real life, the Sereno platforms were surely the most ridiculous things I’d ever seen, and let me tell you, I am ALL ABOUT the ridiculous shoes.
So I waited until the girl got up and then I ran over, wrenched them off her feet and made off with them, laughing a manic laugh as I went.
No, I’m just kidding. But this sighting of THE SHOES in their natural habitat did bring them to the forefront of my mind, so the next day I had a little look for them on eBay. Just in case. And lo! There they were!
And lo! Two days later, and thanks to a generous contribution of funds from my husband, here they are!
Which just goes to show, kids, if you just wish hard enough, nag your husband for long enough, and are willing to dedicate hours of your time to searching eBay for a pair of shoes that may or may not fit you, dreams can come true! (I didn’t even have to pay more than the original price for them, which is really unusual for me and eBay. AND they were brand new, still with the labels on and everything.)
Don’t you just love a happy ending? Ted certainly does:
He is SO having a mid-life crisis, isn’t he?
Tagged Outfits, shoes, ted
Remember last month, when I left Shoewawa and promised to mark the occasion in the most appropriate way I could think of: by buying shoes? And then I didn’t mention that again, and you probably thought I’d forgotten all about it?
AS IF.
Yes, if there’s one thing you can depend on me to do, it’s to follow through on any promises to buy shoes.
And if there’s another thing you can depend on me to do, it’s to take pictures of said shoes, with my dog:
Yes, I know they’re possibly the most kitsch things in the whole world ever. But sometimes you just need a bit of that in your life, no?
Tagged Outfits, shoes, Things I Bought
One day soon, I will write a post here that ISN’T about the surprises Terry gave me for my birthday. Maybe tomorrow, in fact. Or, you know, maybe not, because I’m actually quite enjoying writing posts that don’t require me to engage my brain for more than a few seconds at a time (“What?” I hear you say. “You’ve written posts where you DID engage your brain? Show me them!”), so, meh, we’ll see.
Anyway, just to prove that not all of my birthday surprises involved food, on Sunday afternoon I called in the “H&M Surprise”, which basically involved a shopping trip in which I was allowed to choose two things to buy. Clearly there was a limit to this, which is why this post isn’t called, “HOLY CRAP I GOT TWO PAIRS OF LOUBOUTINS, WHOO HOO!”, but I have to say, it was still a whole lot of fun.
And I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I bought a black dress or some shoes, aren’t you? Well, you are wrong! For once I decided to go against my usual dress-and-shoe-buying-instincts and buy something else. This was mostly prompted by the fact that pretty much ALL I can think about at the moment is summer, and holidays, and weather which can be described without use of the phrases “aaargh!” or “shoot me now, please.” So I got a pair of shorts and a sweater:
And I was totally lying about the “not buying shoes” thing, because on the way back to the car, I spotted these little canvas flats:
“Buy us!” they seemed to cry. “For we, too, will be the perfect addition to your summer holiday wardrobe! Also, we are cheap as chips!”
So, naturally, I bought them. I bought them myself, though, so they’re not part of the surprises, and really have no place in this entry. Sorry.
(P.S. Terry says thank you very much for all your lovely comments about his surprises, and you’re welcome to use the idea in any way you wish! I, meanwhile, say, “No, you can’t have him!”)
Tagged birthfay, clothes, Outfits, shoes, surprises, Terry, Things I Bought
On Friday, a very disturbing email flooded in:
—–Original Message—–
From: Tights With Flip-Flops Woman
Sent: 27 February 2009 16:45
To: Amber, Finder of Everything
Subject: tights for flip flops
I have a friend who has “problem feet” and wonder if you could supply tights for her to wear flip flops.
Then there was a phone number for me to call with news of the tights-for-flip-flops.
Now, straight away, I can see two problems with this:
1. I AM NOT A SHOP. No, seriously, I’m going to say this again, because the message is clearly not getting through: NOT. A. SHOP. Over the past few weeks there’s been a dramatic increase, not only in the “where can I buy the Topshop dress you featured three years ago?” emails, but in the “I want to buy your [insert product here], when can I get it?” stuff. Honestly. I mean, I’m no brainiac myself, but surely it’s not THAT hard to figure out that TheFashionPolice.net is… wait for it… NOT A SHOP? Apparently not.
2 . If I WAS a shop, I would not be selling these:
(Picture via this post which, you may notice, contains a link to the website selling them. Which is not run by me, needless to say.)
Now, I know about Tabi, and I know this unfortunate woman whose friend emailed me has “problem feet” which apparently make tights-with-flip-flops the only option (WHAT IS THIS CONDITION?), so I will say no more about this other than that the thought of actually wearing those individual nylon “toes” bothers me for reasons I can’t quite articulate. But moving on…
I replied to the tights-seeker, and I told her that no, I can’t supply tights for flip-flops, because I do not have a shop. And she replied:
“can I order on line?
Do you have any tights with a part for a flip flop”
And then I took out the gun I keep under my desk and I shot myself in the head. Because almost every day now there is some variation of this exchange. Almost every day. I spend so much of my time having to spell out to people that no, I do not sell anything, I just write about stuff, that I’m actually thinking I may as well start selling stuff. I mean, I seem to have a ready-made customer base waiting for me, if only I could find out where to bulk-buy tights-for-flip-flops and dresses from three years ago.
(Note: not an invitation to contact me offering job lots of Toe Tights).
Gah.
Tagged email fun, I am not a shop, Outfits
Well, folks, The Great Haircut Wars of ’09 have left me feeling wrung out, like a limp rag, and that’s before I’ve even been anywhere NEAR the hairdresser. So, in a bid to post something that’s NOT directly related to my hair, I thought I’d do The Friday Five. But The Friday Five this week was a bunch of really boring questions about chocolate, and seriously, why would anyone care whether I know how chocolate is made or not? (I don’t, by the way. I don’t know how anything is made. And I don’t care. Cooking is why God made Other People.)
I still wanted to be lazy answer questions rather than write an entry with, you know, actual thoughts and ideas in it, though, so I decided to turn to my old friend Google Analytics, and answer some of the questions people have been asking the Internet recently, and which have led them to this here blog. For instance:
Can I wear black to a christening?
Well, I did. I wear black to absolutely everything, though, so I’m probably the wrong person to ask. My one piece of advice to you about attending a christening, however, is this: before I went to one, everyone told me that it would be “dressy, but not as dressy as a wedding.” Naturally, then, it turned out to be as dressy as a wedding. Maybe this was just some kind of freak occurrence, and not the norm for these events (I wouldn’t know, being a complete and utter heathen), but most people were dressed to the nines. This made it a lot of fun, actually, because there’s really nothing I enjoy more than looking at what other people are wearing.
My answer to this question, then: yes, black is fine, as long as you make it a “happy” black, not a sad black. Like, maybe lay off the veil and gloves, and use some colourful accessories to make it clear that you’re not at a funeral. Also: you’re being given the opportunity to dress up – seize it with both hands, my friend!
Do redheads have souls?
(Note: this is now one of my top search terms. Which really makes me wonder about humanity, to be honest.)
My answer: Don’t be silly, of course redheads don’t have souls. Redheads are another race entirely: we are, in fact, a little-known offshoot of the vampires, and we survive by drinking the blood of people who type dumb-ass questions into Google. I’d sleep with one eye open tonight if I were you. I’d also refrain from breeding if at all possible because… well, because the world has enough idiots, we don’t really need any more.
Is it normal to feel your pulse in your stomach?
Ooh, medical questions, I love me some medical questions! Actually, no, I don’t, and I have this to say to you, pulse-stomach-searcher: NEVER CONSULT DOCTOR GOOGLE ON THESE MATTERS. Doctor Google is not a good doctor. He is a wicked, evil doctor, and his answers will cause you to lie awake at night in a cold sweat, wondering who to leave your shoes to when you “go”.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say here is that the Internet is not a doctor and neither am I. (Note: Neither is Karl Kennedy from Neighbours, but you wouldn’t know it.) If it makes you feel any better, though, I last felt my pulse in my stomach in November 2007 - I actually thought I was about to give birth to an alien at the time – and I’m still alive. Take from that what you will.
Do you spend a lot of money on fashion?
Yes. Do you?
What is the most times a dog has peed?
Nineteen. No, I’m being serious, it was nineteen times. It was in 1978. Seriously, dude, what did you expect here? And why so vague? Do you want to know how many times a dog has peed in the space of an hour? A day? Its life? Does it have to be a particular breed of dog? Boy or girl? Ask and ye shall receive! Or actually, maybe not in this case, because honestly, who’s counting?
If you want to know how many times MY DOG has peed, well, I can’t tell you that in general terms, but I can tell you how many times he has peed INSIDE THE HOUSE this week: three times. Yes, three times. Mostly on his own bed (!) but sometimes on the radiator. He does it when we go to the gym. We don’t know why, because here’s the thing: he doesn’t do it when we leave the house to go anywhere else. Only when we go to the gym. What does this mean? What is he trying to tell us here? Who knows. (Oh! Maybe Google does! Must go and check…)
Anyway, these were just five of the questions my referrers have asked me recently. If you’d like to submit your own question to “Ask Amber”, be my guest. Just make it something I’m likely to know the answer to. You know, none of that “What’s the square root of 8.768?” rubbish, because I can’t help you with that.
Tagged Outfits, red hair, redhead, rubin
(Note: this entry has nothing at all to do with the movie of the same name. Sorry, Google searchers, nothing to see here…)
I know it’s the shortest month of the year, but seriously, February, are you STILL here? Do you need a ride to the station? Can I help you carry your bags?
This time, my frustration with The Month That Won’t End has nothing to do with being locked out of cars, or finding myself in possession of more than one head or anything like that. No, it’s all about the shopping. See, I promised myself I’d try to spend less on clothes and shoes, and actually, for the most part this month, I’ve come good on my promise. I mean, there was that bikini I suddenly needed to buy right at the start of the month, and the ill-fated work-out clothes which didn’t see the light of day until last week, but even so, people, even so. I mean, I haven’t bought a single pair of shoes this month AT ALL (thank God I bought three pairs last month, thank God, I say) and that’s saying a LOT for me.
But I can take no more. The closer it gets to pay-day, the more eaten up with the thought of shopping I become. The more I start to feel that if I don’t go forth and shop RIGHT NOW, I will surely shrivel up and die.
So I bought yet another little black dress. Of course I did. This one is very basic and versatile, though, and I will wear it all the time. Like, for lounging around the house in:
For using my stability ball in:
For washing the dishes in a really blurry way in:
And for dusting in:
So, yes, a totally versatile purchase which I will wear EVERYWHERE, and as Becky Bloomwood herself says, I will be known as The Girl in the Black Dress. Which, let’s face it, will make a change from me being known as The Girl Who Keeps Buying Black Dresses Even Although She Already Has Dozens of Them Which She Never Wears. Because that’s just nowhere near as catchy, you know?
Tagged dresses, Outfits, Things I Bought
Houston, we have a problem.
Other than the “It’s the first week in December and I already spent my entire salary on shoes and clothes” problem, I mean. A DIFFERENT problem.
So, we’re flying out to the Canary Islands on Sunday. HAVE I MENTIONED THIS ENOUGH YET? And our baggage allowance is 15 kilos each. Fifteen. Kilos. Each. Which, really, is nothing, is it? When we fly to America we upgrade to 25 kilos, and that’s just to accommodate my Sephora stuff, you know?
Now, going to Spain is obviously different, because we don’t tend to buy much there. Well, other than all that stuff I bought in Zara last time we were in the Canaries, obviously. There was that. But this time I have imposed a strict budget upon myself. “Amber,” I have said, “you are on a strict budget. Deal with it.” So there will be no Zara. There will be no duty free. There will just be me and my fifteen kilos worth of luggage and OMG how am I supposed to only take fifteen kilos worth of luggage?
From this you can probably guess that I do not travel light. Oh, hell to the no. I am, in fact, what some people (“Some people” = “Terry”) would describe as “high maintenance”. Here are my problems with packing, in no particular order:
1. Shoes.
Well, obviously I want to take them all, don’t I? Look, I edit a shoe blog for a living, it’s part of my job description to have a lot of shoes, OK? (Note: that IS true, Gemma, isn’t it?) But clearly this is out of the question. So what to do? Well, we know we’re going to probably be doing a bit of exploring-on-foot, and we’re also going to be climbing Mount Teide (the highest peak in Spain, fact fans). I’ve actually been up Mount Teide before, as a surly teenager, and naturally I wore unsuitable shoes for the event. And naturally, that’s not something I’m going to be doing again anytime soon, so some kind of “sensible” shoes are clearly in order.
(Note: this is just plain annoying. I mean, valuable space/weight will be taken up by shoes that will be worn only ONCE on this trip. Shoes that will not even make me feel happy, either. This is sheer wastefulness. But if I DON’T take them, I will probably fall and break my neck, and then the whole “Woe is me, for I have to take ugly shoes on holiday with me!” issue will seem pretty silly and I’ll want to slap myself. So, ugly shoes it is.)
So that’s one pair in the bag, so to speak. I will also be taking my flip flops, because I tend to live in them on holiday. But I will need shoes for evening, and here’s the thing: some of my outfits need particular pairs of shoes to go with them, and I don’t know about you, but I can’t imagine anything worse than realising that the perfect pair of shoes for your outfit are 2,000 miles away, in your wardrobe at home, can you?*
2. Books
I read a lot. A LOT. And I’m horrendously fussy about what I read (although sometimes you wouldn’t think it) so a lot of my pre-holiday budget is spent on books. I also read fast, so I’ll get through one book on the way there and one book on the way back. The main purpose of this holiday is to give us a chance to relax and be warm, too, so we’ll be spending a lot of time just lazing around, and I can’t laze around without a book in my hand. It is physically impossible. My experience of Spanish holiday resorts is that there’s not generally a great choice of books for English speakers to be found in them, so I take a lot of books with me. And there goes more of my precious 15 kilos…
3. Electronics
Well, I have that whole “have to take the iron everywhere” problem going on, don’t I? And while I do have a travel iron for just these occasions (It only works in parts of Europe that aren’t the UK, or I’d have taken it with me to the christening we went to this summer, rather than taking the ACTUAL iron…), I still have to fit in my hairdryer and a kazillion chargers, power-adaptors, etc. Crap. (No, there will not be an iron in the place we’re going to. It’s THAT kind of basic, unfortunately…)
4. Toiletries
On any given day, there’s more makeup on my face than there is on the MAC counter. I actually manage to edit this down to just a few items for travel, but then there’s contact lens cleaner, eye makeup remover, sunscreen, shampoo, etc. And OK, I concede that they DO sell this stuff in Spain. Of course they do. But I have my favourite brands, you know? And I also like to get to where I’m going and be able to have a shower IMMEDIATELY and then relax (and IRON, obviously), rather than getting to where I’m going and then having to instantly go out and buy shampoo, which is probably what I’m going to end up doing. (The place we’re staying is REALLY basic, so they won’t have those little complimentary shampoos etc.) I’ve tried to “solve” this issue by buying little miniature containers for some stuff, but GOD, there’s still a lot of it.
Oh, yeah, and then there’s my CLOTHES. Almost forgot them.
WHAT I SHOULD DO TO SOLVE THIS HORRIBLE DILEMMA:
Learn how to pack a capsule wardrobe. Track down that elusive pair of shoes that is suitable for every occasion in life, even climbing mountains. Accept that I will just have to buy toiletries when I get there and then leave them behind, and that no, they will not be my “special” brands. Learn to live without the tyranny of the hairdryer and the iron. Slap self. Stop being such a little princess all the time. Slap self again. Twice.
WHAT I HAVE ACTUALLY DONE:
Bought tremendously large shoulder bag to act as carry-on. (Yes, it meets airline regulations.) Wrote this post on my blawg.
WHAT I WILL BE DOING WHEN THE TIME COMES TO START PACKING:
Stuffing tremendously large carry-on full of stuff that will not fit in the suitcase. Wearing at least four layers of clothes to travel in. Sneaking iron and hairdryer into Terry’s case when he’s not looking. Panicking.
Seriously, though: 15 kilos. That’s just cruel….
* Being facetious here, just in case you didn’t realise and want to rip me a new one. Because yes, OF COURSE there are worse things in the world than being without the right shoes. But not many things, it has to be said…
Tagged Outfits, shoes, Travel
So, a few weeks ago I became ever so slightly obsessed with a coat. As soon as I laid eyes on it I was all, “That coat will be mine!”, so what I did was, I did NOTHING. And it sold out. Everywhere. I know because I, er, emailed the manufacturer to beg them ask them if they’d be getting any more of them in.
“No coat!” said the manufacturer. “Cannot have! Sucks to be you! Ner-ner-ner-ner!”
Clearly, it was just not meant to be, so I decided to forget all about the coat, but before I did, I decided to search eBay obsessively for it, praying as I did so. And I found it! Only, not really, because the coat I found was one size bigger than the size I usually take.
“Will not buy,” I told myself firmly. “Stupid to even look at coat which will be too big. That way heartache lies. Will not even add to Watch List, so cannot be tempted!”
So I added The Coat to my Watch List.
A few days later, I checked up on it and lo! The Coat had now been bid up to an astronomical price – one that was, in fact, higher than it had sold for in the store. And sure, the coat was brand new with tags, but even so! Even so, people!
“Stupid!” I said smugly. “Idiots, bidding up Coat to crazy high price! Glad I’m having no part in that! Forgetting all about it now. Right now. Want, though!”
So I continued to watch the coat like a stalker.
“Buy coat,” said Terry. “I will give you difference between retail price and crazy inflated eBay price,” said Terry. “Then you will shut up about coat, OK?”
“Nooo!” said I. “Stupid to involve husband in buying of overpriced coat which, although crazy expensive is also investment, really. And actually, not that expensive, when you come to think of it. In fact, is still way less than most people pay for coats every day! OMG, is bargain!”
So, the coat arrived today. And yeah, it’s too big. And kind of completely different from how I was expecting it to look. I was thinking I could pad it out with jumpers, though, maybe carry Rubin around inside it in manner of kangaroo. Or I could just re-sell it. One thing is for sure, though: I am totally banning myself from buying things online now, because if I do decide to sell The Coat, it will be the eleventy-first thing I’ve had to return this week month alone on account of it not fitting right, and that? Is seriously starting to get on my nerves. I mean, I seem to spend all of my time trailing to the post office and I hate it at the post office.
[photo removed because I realised it's a full moon tonight and my skin is too thin to post photos of myself on the internet when there's a full moon - d'oh!]
Oh, and the “cautionary tale” referenced in the title? Avoid the internet when buying your clothes. Seriously.
Tagged coats, ebay, Outfits, Things I Bought
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