I was going to call this one “Post That Isn’t About Surprises Surprise!” but I figured that may mislead people into thinking it’s going to be more interesting than it actually is, so I’m just going to be upfront and admit that, yes, it’s The Friday Five.

Now, I haven’t done a Friday Five post for ages now, mostly because the questions always tend to revolve around stuff that’s of no interest to me whatsoever. This one, however, was on the theme of “things you’d take to a desert island”,  and because I actually spend more time than is really healthy thinking about things I’d take to a desert island, I decided to do it. And you, of course, should feel free to do it too, either in your own blog, or in the comments! So,…

It’s the “stranded on a desert island” question! You can only take one thing from each category. What is it and why are you taking it?

1. A food that can be planted and regrown.

Oh God, it’s a question about food. I’ve said before, I’m no foodie, and the idea of planting and growing ANYTHING is really quite alien to me (this is why there’s currently a giant dead plant in a pot in our garden, and also why I regularly fantasize about living in the city and not having a garden) so I don’t really know. Will I have to plant the food myself? Will there be, like, ovens and things on the desert island? If there will, I will take potatoes and have them baked, or turned into crisps.  (Not by me, natch. By the friendly island natives who will be keen to do this for me because they have never seen a woman with such pale blue skin before, and so they instantly assume I am some kind of God and are eager to serve me. With baked potatoes.)

If there are no ovens, I guess I’ll take… um… strawberries? To have with champagne? DESERT ISLAND FAIL.

2. A person you haven’t seen in a long time.

My best friend, Stephanie. As well as being on the same wavelength at me, she is also good at cooking and knows how to put duvets inside their bags.  Which will come in handy on the island.

3. A book you (were) read as a child.

Well that’s easy: Five on a Treasure Island.  It will inspire me to search for secret passages and capture smugglers.

5. The entire episode run of a television show (it’s a very nice desert island).

Well, Friday Five, I’m so glad to hear that, because if there are TVs there are surely also ovens, so my whole “potato” thing in question one seems less stupid. Only a bit, mind you.  Um, a TV show. I think I’d have to go for ‘Lost’. Sure, it’ll make me just a little bit paranoid about the whole “being stranded on an island” thing, but I may pick up some handy tips from it, and failing that, at least I’ll have time to try and understand it…

OK, your turn!

This week has been full of fail, hence the “no blogging” here at Forever Amber. Sorry. Anyway, the Friday Five! Is back! And is actually quite appropriate this week, so here it is. Feel free to answer the questions too, either in your own blog or in the comments. Peace out.

1. What made you happy this week?

The fact that I now have less than three weeks until my holiday, which, by the way, cannot come soon enough. Also the fact that I managed to go to the gym three times, after a two week absence which had absolutely nothing to do with the body pump instructor telling me I had “wee short legs” the last time I was there. Because, hello! I totally do NOT have “wee short legs”! Well, OK, I DO, because I, myself, am short. But my legs are actually NOT particularly short in proportion to my body. This is why I am able to buy tops from the “petite” sections in stores, but not bottoms, because they are always too short. On my not-even-remotely-wee-or-short-legs.*

2. What made you sad?

The weather. It made me S.A.D. And it also rendered me totally unable to get out of bed in the morning, to the extent that I can no longer get up in time for my regular gym classes, and have to actually go – gasp! – into the actual gym instead. And I HATE the Actual Gym. Gah.

3. What made you angry?

Oh God, do not even get me started. What made me angry was being libelled on the internet by a paranoid delusional, who wrote an entire post on his blog calling me and my fellow writers a lot of extremely unpleasant names, and accusing us of being dastardly, James Bond-style internet villains. And then a lot of people commented, agreeing with him and advocating violence against us “bitches”. That made me a bit angry, yes.

(No, I am not linking to the post. It wasn’t about any of my blogs, it was about a client’s blog, and they are dealing with it. I was mentioned by name, though, which made it all feel a little bit personal. And I’m not very good at being-attacked-and-not-hitting-back.)

4. What are you looking forward to in the next week?

The fact that I will have only two weeks to go until my holiday. TWO WEEKS. Until my HOLIDAY. Did I mention that I was going on holiday? Did I? Because I am going on holiday. In just over two weeks. And then I will have SUNSHINE and I will have LOTS OF FOOD and I will have absolutely NO internet drama to deal with. Bliss.

5. What are you not looking forward to?

The fact that I still have a month’s worth of advance posts to write before my holiday. And Christmas presents to wrap. And a haircut to arrange. And STUFF to buy. I need to go shopping. I need to go to the post office. I need to basically do all of December’s work and chores in the next two weeks, and OMG how will I do it? I’m going to be needing some strong, strong coffee, that’s for sure…

* Note: not that there is anything wrong with having wee, short legs, of course.

Hey, folks, guess who’s back? Back again! The Friday Five’s back! Tell your friends!

Yes, I created a monster ‘cos no one wants to see Amber no more, with her constant whining about the cold, the cold, and OMG, did I mention how much I hate THE COLD? So in a bid to breathe new life into the old blawg, and give a girl who spends all day, every day sitting in a darkened room looking at pictures of shoes on the Internet something to write about, I’m bringing back The Friday Five. And guess what? You can too! Questions come from here, so feel free to take part if you wish. I may do this every Friday, I may do it for a few weeks and then get bored, or I may just do it this once and never mention it again.  You just never know with me, and that’s half the fun, only not really, obviously.

Anyway, on with the show. Here are today’s questions and my “have-you-on-the-edge-of-your-seat” answers:

1. Could you live without your phone for 1 week for $500?

Seriously, I could live without my phone forever for $500. In fact, I’d do it for free if it meant never having to talk on the phone again. That’s how much I hate the phone. And although I love my actual phone in a “hey, this is a pretty cool toy” kinda way, I only ever use the alarm on it to wake me up in the mornings and remind me to do things, and the camera to take pictures of my dog. And, OK, of that one time I decided to try out Amy Winehouse-style eyeliner. If I could work out how to blog from it, which I think may be technically possible, I would use it more, but yeah, I’d still take the $500. When can I get it?

2. Whom do you talk to on the phone the most?

Um, probably my mum, who has the distinction (and, dare I say, pleasure) of being the person I call any time strange medical symptoms befall me. I’m trying to cut back on this, though, because I know you wouldn’t think it, but it’s actually not much fun for anyone. I also sometimes call Terry’s answerphone (because his phone is rarely switched on, and when it is he’s normally left it in the car, in someone else’s home, or, on a couple of occasions, in the washing machine) if he’s been away from home for longer than I was expecting and leave him a message saying, “OMG ARE YOU DEAD? ARE YOU? CALL ME IF YOU’RE NOT DEAD!”

3. Whom do you no longer talk to on the phone but wish you still did?

I’ve actually never really been a “phoner”. I was never one of those teenagers who hogged the telephone line all night chatting to her friends, and this was because I didn’t have no friends. No, I’m joking, I did have friends, but for some reason we didn’t really call each other all that much, other than to make specific arrangements about stuff. Maybe if cellphones had been invented back then, things would’ve been different, but of course we had to use smoke signals in those days, which was a total drag.  So, in conclusion, I don’t think there’s anyone I used to phone but still wish I did. This is why we have email, surely?

4. If you could get ahold of one celebrity phone number, whose digits would you want?

Michael Stipe’s. I wouldn’t call him though, because I don’t think he would like that, and I wouldn’t know what to say to him, as I am Not Good On The Phone.  Also, he totally didn’t accept my Facebook friends request, so no phone calls for him. (Do you hear that? It’s the sound of Michael Stipe’s heart breaking…)

5. Do you talk on the phone more or less than you used to?

I think the answer to this is probably self-evident, no? In the early days of The Business, when I used to do a lot of freelance writing, I had to talk on the phone a LOT, because people would call me up and ask things, and then call me again and ask more things, and it was all talky-talky-talk. It was my version of Hell on Earth, although obviously not quite as bad as the call centre I used to work in. (If there is a hell, I’m totally convinced it looks EXACTLY like a call centre, seriously…) Now I’m all about the blogging, people tend to email rather than phone, and while this makes Amber a Very Happy Girl, it has also made me totally lose what little knack I had of using the phone. Which is why I answered the business line a few weeks ago with the words, “Hello! Hot Igloo speaking! Amber!”

OK,  your turn.  If you don’t want to answer in your own blog, feel free to answer in the comments section…