Well, the replacement green dress arrived on Saturday morning (I waited all morning for the mail, so obviously it arrived the very second I switched on the shower. I wish I’d thought to do that earlier…) and I can report that All Is Well. Thankfully, this now concludes the period of my life where I spent an entire month writing about the same freaking dress, over and over again, GOD.
Slightly against my better judgement, but because some of you asked to see it, I now present what’s likely to be The Biggest Anti-Climax in the History of this Blog Ever:
Yes, it’s THAT dress. And actually? That’s not even the replacement dress. I was too lazy to take a photo of it, so this is actually a photo of the original, may it rest it peace. Wherever it is. (WHERE IS IT?!) I’m happy to have tracked down one just like it (only new! With tags!), but even so, I don’t think I will ever wear it now. That would just be ASKING for trouble…
Tagged lost dress
Remember my beloved green dress? The one that was tragically and mysteriously LOST?
Well, it’s still lost.
Sorry, I just realised that the start of this post probably made you think I was about to tell you I found it under the living room rug or something, and oh, how I wish that were true! (Note to self: check under living room rug.) But nope, no such luck. The green dress is still as lost as ever it was: probably even more so, to be honest, given the time that’s now passed since it was last seen.
BUT! BUT!
I have bought a new one! Yes, a NEW GREEN DRESS! That is exactly the same as the OLD green dress in every respect, other than that it is new (with tags, no less!) and, well, NOT LOST. Well, not yet, anyway.
I found the dress last night, on eBay. You see, ever since that terrible day on which I was forced to admit to myself that I would, in all likelihood, never see the original dress again, I have embarked upon a strict regime of searching eBay almost non-stop for one just like it, using multiple different search terms, and calling upon reserves of patience which, to be totally frank, I had NO IDEA I even possessed. There have been days when I’ve forgotten to feed and clothe myself, but BY GOD, I’ve never forgotten to search eBay for THAT DRESS.
And then, last night, I found it. I don’t think that sentence really sums up my shock and excitement at this fact, so let’s see….
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There, that should do it.
Of course, because my non-stop searching meant that I was alerted to the presence of The Dress almost as soon as it was listed, the auction still had a full week to run when I found it. And there was no way on earth I could sit it out for a whole week – I mean, quite apart from anything else, I have to sleep SOME time, you know? – so I emailed the seller and asked her if she’d add a Buy It Now. And then I sat and pressed Send/Receive on my email until she finally replied, several hours later, agreeing to sell it to me. If only I could apply this degree of dedication to OTHER areas of my life!
So, yes, new green dress, same as the old green dress. Brand new. With tags. In my size, and everything. Which kinda makes my whole “I will never, ever find another one like it! Wah!” thing seem a bit silly now, no? And, of course, it will not make me feel any better about What Happened That Night. (WHAT DID HAPPEN THAT NIGHT? It’s driving me insane!), and I will always wonder what happened to my original dress. And top. But at least I will have a new one now. And if the old one ever DOES turn up, then I’ll have TWO of them.
Mind you, I won’t be totally easy in my mind about any of this until the dress is safely in my hands. (I say “safely” – I don’t think ANYTHING is really “safe” in my hands at the moment, especially given recent events) I mean, what do you think the odds are of this latest dress being lost in the mail? Or suffering the same, mysterious fate as the last one?
I’ll keep you posted. Because clearly there is NO LIMIT to the amount of posts I can write about this freaking green dress. GOD.
[Special disclaimer for all of the people who like to take every word I write super-seriously (hi!): Emotions in this post may have been exaggerated for dramatic effect. May not have been, though.]
Tagged lost dress, things I lost
Because I am lazy:
1. I still haven’t found The Dress. This is much to the distress of Terry, because it seems that I just can’t stop talking about it. I mean, I thought I’d maybe be OVER IT by now. But no. The loss of my preshus dress is as fresh and as painful as it was on that dreadful day that I realised it was gone. GOD.
2. I have, however, bought another dress. It didn’t really make me feel better, to be honest. I mean, it’s a nice dress and all, but it’s JUST NOT THE SAME.
3. See, still can’t stop talking about it.
4. On a positive note, I haven’t lost or broken anything else this week. Not that I know of, anyway. I DID think I’d lost Ted this morning when I was making the bed, but it turned out he was just hiding under a pile of Terry’s clothes. Here’s what he was wearing:
I just hope Nike are paying him well, is all I can say.
5. When I was coming out of the gym yesterday, SLEET started falling out of the sky. And, OK, it only lasted for a few minutes, and then we were back to brilliant sunshine (then torrential rain. Then brilliant sunshine. Then thunder. Then torrential rain. Then brilliant… oh, you get the picture.), but still, SLEET. Sleet.
6. Because of the whole non-stop-rain thing, my lawn hasn’t been mown for three weeks now, and has consequently grown into a small jungle. I’m actually afraid to let Rubin out there in case he never finds his way back. (Thought: could The Dress be in the Jungle Garden?) Weirdly, though, all of our neighbours still have perfectly manicured lawns. HOW DO THEY DO IT? Are they mowing their lawns during the middle of the night or something? No, really, how?
7. Number 6? That right there tells you why updates have been few and far between this week, because THAT’S how interesting my life has been, really.
8. At least Rubin has been helping me with the blogging, though:
Tagged lost dress, red, rubin
I lost my favourite dress.
I know: how do you lose a DRESS, I hear you ask? That’s what my parents asked, anyway, and I tell you what I told them: if there is a way for me to do something inexplicably stupid, I will surely find it .
And I obviously did.
The green dress had been resident at my parents’ house for a week. I’d worn it and, because I am me, had spilled food down the front of it, leaving a huge, greasy mark. I tried to remove the mark, but succeeded only in making it even bigger, so I did what any self-respecting adult would do:
I took it to my mum and asked her to wash it instead.
My mum did this, and also ironed the dress, and then she placed it in a carrier bag, along with a little top I’d bought, which she’d altered for me.
And that was the last time anyone ever saw either of those items alive. Or, indeed, dead. They quite simply HAVE NOT BEEN SEEN SINCE. Which begs the question: HOW?!
I don’t remember taking the bag out of the house that night (last Saturday). No one else remembers seeing me take it. The assumption, though, is that I DID take it, because it is no longer in my parents’ house, and trust me, they’ve searched. They’re probably still searching now, actually.
But it didn’t make it to our house, either. Neither Terry or I can remember bringing it out of the car, and we’re both as sure as we can be that this is because we DIDN’T bring it out of the car. We’ve conducted fingertip searches of both the house and the car several times. Over, and over, and over again we have searched. The bag containing the clothes is nowhere to be found. It’s almost as if it DIDN’T ACTUALLY EXIST IN THE FIRST PLACE.
At the moment, the most likely scenario we’re pursuing is that it was lost on the way home that night. You see, we did not come straight home. No, we stopped at a local park to let Rubin have a quick run before bed, and the only thing we can think is that somehow when I opened the car door to get out, the bag must have fallen out of the car. This doesn’t seem all that likely, to be honest: it was a wet night, and I was wearing my new Prada peep toes (the walk wasn’t planned, by the way. I mean, even I normally wear something a little more practical to walk the dog), so I was having to look quite carefully at the ground, to make sure I didn’t step in a puddle. I can’t help thinking I was looking at the ground so intently – especially around the car, which was parked in a particularly muddy area – that I would’ve noticed something lying on it, but in the absence of any other explanation for the whereabouts of my dress, I guess this is the one we have to go with.
(Also, Terry used my phone to take some photos of Rubin and I walking, and the bag isn’t in them, so we know I wasn’t carrying it.)
This all happened last Saturday. It was a couple of days before I realised I didn’t have the dress, and when I DID realise, I assumed I’d left it at my parents’ house, so it wasn’t until Friday that I realised it was actually MIA. Terry did return to the alleged scene of the crime this weekend, but needless to say, there was nothing there, and the park warden said nothing had been handed in. So it’s a mystery. And it’s a mystery that has REALLY freaking annoyed me. I mean, this dress wasn’t an expensive one – in fact, it was one of the cheapest dresses I own(ed) – but I LOVED it. It was my favourite. And because I bought it ages ago, the shop has long since sold out of them, and so it’s effectively irreplaceable. Ditto the top. My only hope now is that one comes up on eBay, but the chances of that are slim, and so I think I’ll just have to accept that I’ve lost my favourite dress, and will never see its like again. This makes me sad.
Meanwhile, I am a woman tortured by the effort of trying to remember the events of That Night. Where did the dress go? Where is it now? SOMEONE must know something. Did it run away? Was I not a good enough owner for it? Did it quarrel with the top, and then something unspeakable happened between them? Did the top bury the evidence, and then go on the run, to escape justice? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GREEN DRESS?! And how will I find out? Should I put up posters around town saying HAVE YOU SEEN THIS DRESS, REWARD OFFERED or should I just find a good hypnotist and see if they can unlock the key to my memory and uncover the grisly truth?
Or should I just buy another dress, instead?*
*Nothing will ever compare to it, though. Alas, poor dress, we hardly knew ye!
Tagged lost dress, things I lost
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