The Others

The Takeaways Are On Me, Apparently

Just after I wrote that post about how nothing every happens, and I totally don’t have anything to write about any more, woe!, woe!, the bank called to let me know The Others have stolen my debit card details (again!),…

Flying With The Others

You know how I said my flight back from Miami last weekend passed without incident? Well, it mostly did. I mean, there was no turbulence, no lost luggage, and the flight didn’t crash, which is really the most I expect…

waiting

Let down and hanging around

Transport, motorways and tramlines / Starting and then stopping /Taking off and landing / The emptiest of feelings /Disappointed people clinging on to bottles / And when it comes it’s so so disappointing… [Radiohead, 'Let Down'] Last Wednesday we got an offer on…

summer field

OMG-Day

We didn’t get it. The buyer decided to go with the other property she was considering (That makes it sound simpler than it actually was… Needless to say, there’s a whole story connected to this, and the internet is not…

ducks

The Others have hacked my Twitter account…

(I didn’t have a picture of a bird to represent Twitter, so here are some adorable baby ducks, photographed by my mum, in Florida last year, instead. You’re welcome.) Hi everyone, I mentioned this at the bottom of my last…

shoes on shelves

Perfect Ten

Since the house has been on the market (Yes, it’s another one of those “I’m selling my house, and I’m going to talk about it forever” posts. Sorry.) we’ve had three sets of potential buyers come to take a look…

OUT

365 Project 15 – 20: A week in winter

Day 19:  SNOMG! Last week, although I did continue taking daily photos for my 365 Project, I didn’t bother posting them on Instagram. This was partly to keep you all on your toes  because the photos I took all totally…

Amber of Orange

Yes, I am still talking about it

This morning I got up not-so-bright and early, and headed to the supermarket, where I purchased the bottle of Head & Shoulders Citrus which I should have just bought the second this whole “orange hair” saga started.  Well, you know…

Don't use the sauce

Serving Suggestion

Well, folks, last night, as I’m sure you know, was the night of The Oscars, which means I’ve been up all night drinking coffee and playing celebrity blogging monkey over at The Fashion Police, so I’m now feeling ever so-slightly…

NOT ME

Weird Email of the Week: Miss I-Was-Fat-Forever

During my break from personal blogging, it saddens me to report that people haven’t gotten any better at telling the difference between me and Joan Rivers. The E! channel’s Fashion Police show is currently back on the air, which means that every morning I wake…

I can’t wait to see the Google hits this one gets me…

Foot fetishists. They’re everywhere, aren’t they? And by “everywhere” I mean “they’re on eBay”. In large numbers, apparently. Last week I decided to sell some shoes, you see. (I know! Me getting RID of shoes rather than acquiring them: who’da…

Things That Should Not Happen

1.  Pre-school age children should not be handed the car keys and invited to treat the vehicle as a giant toy. Cars are not toys. 2. Car horns should not be leant on for five minutes at a time. 3….

The One With the Cyclist

So, I’m out walking Rubin. I’m NOT wearing a dress, you’ll be pleased to know, and neither is he. He is, however, wearing his leash, and because it’s one of those extendable ones, and Rubin likes to be as far away from…

Weird Email of the Week: Where’s PETER?

—–Original Message—– From: Peter’s #1 Fan Sent: 09 March 2010 04:48 To: Magic Amber Subject: peter   Where is PETER???  we want peter backl Peter had knowledge and opinions that mattered. Joan is funny, the others are boring  and bland….

Breaking news: I am not Joan Rivers. Really.

Dear People who keep sending me hate mail relating to the E! Network’s “Fashion Police” show, I AM NOT the E! Network. Or, indeed, Joan Rivers. And I don’t have Kim Kardashian’s number either, so no, I can’t pass on your…

I am not a shop, part 11,876

It’s started again: the whole “let’s pretend Amber is running a shop!” thing, I mean. I’ve had a good few weeks WITHOUT being constantly asked about my “stock” and where I ship to, but this morning I woke up to…

on-the-phone1

Telephone and email ettiquette, revisited

One morning last week, Terry and I returned home from the gym to discover the light on the answerphone flashing. Amongst the usual work-related messages that had been left (for Terry, obviously, not for me. Because I don’t actually “do”…

6a00d8341c873353ef00e553e5a1098833-800wi

I Am Not a Shop. Seriously.

On Friday, a very disturbing email flooded in: —–Original Message—– From: Tights With Flip-Flops Woman  Sent: 27 February 2009 16:45 To: Amber, Finder of Everything Subject: tights for flip flops I have a friend who has “problem feet” and wonder if you…

2009: now with added idiots

Just in case anyone out there was worried that 2009 might not contain quite as many idiots as 2008 did, I present the evidence to the contrary, courtesy of a comment someone  tried to post on the The Fashion Police yesterday:…

I don’t know “nothing”

I’m feeling a little better today. Only a little, but hey, at least I wasn’t up all night waiting for the sweet release of death, so that’s something. In a break from our regularly scheduled “Woe is me!” programme, then,…

Under Investigashun

Remember how earlier this week I was getting in a little bit of advance worrying about tonight’s full moon, and the generous helping of Crazy it would no doubt bring to my life? I was right to worry. This morning…

Amber the Omniscient

Lately I’ve noticed a dramatic increase in the number of people mistaking me for God. By that I don’t mean they’re getting down on their knees and worshipping the wonder that is Me, or even that they praise me like…

Hell is other people, especially in November

A quick note to the people in our town who are still setting off fireworks every single night, even although Guy Fawkes Night was four days ago: please, just get over it. My dog is losing his tiny mind here….

Trolling the Internet 101

Dear Idiot Teenagers who thought it would be a good idea to post a whole bunch of stupid comments on The Fashion Police this week, calling me an “idiot” and generally advertising your lack of brain cells: It was not…

Full Moon Fever

There’s a full moon tonight. Can you tell? I can. I can always tell, though, and I don’t even need the little “moon” symbol in my diary. No, I can tell when there’s a full moon because of the absolute…

Bandit Country

This morning I kicked off the day the way I meant to go on – by crawling all the way inside our blue recycling bin, to retrieve the letter I had intended to post in the usual fashion (in a…

Their Parents Must Be So Proud

Today Terry and I didn’t have time to go to the gym, so I decided to do my bit for the ol’ waistline by going out for a run around the streets of the neighbourhood. Within ten minutes of leaving…

How We’re Living

So, it turns out we COULD actually fit more kitchen stuff into the living room after all: Kitchen sink: not even visible under all that MESS. The rest of the kitchen stuff was delivered yesterday. The things in the picture…

I See Stupid People In My Inbox

GOD. As if it wasn’t enough that we have to fight them on the beaches, in the fields, streets and outside the doctor’s surgery, now the Stupid People are freakin’ EMAILING ME. Last week this flooded into my inbox: —–Original…

Back to School. Not.

August tomorrow, then, folks – almost the end of the summer already. (WHERE DID IT GO?!) Soon I’ll be sharpening my pencils, packing up my satchel and putting on my blazer and tie, ready for another new school year. Except,…

Not So Bowled Over After All

Stand down the vigil, people, I’m still alive… Alive, yes, but also? Annoyed. Remember that bowling night we were supposed to be going to? The one with the ugly shoes and the rolled-up jeans, that I spent A WEEK dreaming…